Honour and A New Word for 2025

You heal others just by being yourself

Let’s start with the ludicrous and unbelievable.

In 2024, I started wearing rings. I finally understood and began healing my father wound. I also got one of my Ps answered.

My word of the year was honour.

Honour is being super honest with yourself.

Honour is saying I will do it, and doing it.

Honour is surrender, really, backwards. You honour what is by surrendering what isn’t.

I thought honour would come from someone else.

I was waiting for it to show up at every turn, preferably in a beautiful linen shirt.

Honour came from inside myself.

The most dangerous thing in the world is to be alive.

— Tommy Dixon

To bring you up to speed, at the start of 2024, I was living in Ireland and writing my first book.

I landed back in Perth, Australia, in mid-February and straight into a deep soul depression. I was living in a personal hell, also known as ‘Soul Lag’.

“Landing” implies grace, peripheral vision and coordination — I did not have any of those.

Soul lag is being homesick in your soul. It feels like rearranging every part of yourself back together again — and every day. In short: your body is one place, and your heart is somewhere else entirely. Mine was in West Cork.

The concept of ‘soul lag’ helped immensely to unlock what was happening to me. It is one of the lowest lows I can tell you about — I wrote about the reality return shock here.

Still now, I am seized by a missing so strong that I think I’m going to die.

Living in the wrong place is unbearable; the soul screams.

I tried to get out of the inexplicable funk.

I went to a full moon drumming circle on the beach. I left because it was too loud.

But really, the whole time I had “Southern Hemisphere displacement” which is what I call when you live in one hemisphere, but belong in the other.

You have to pick the places you don't want to walk away from.

— Joan Didion

You see, I have Northern blood. I was born in Serbia.

I now know Ireland is my place.

I feel it in my marrow.

I got one of my Ps (the theme of my book).

It’s beyond rational explanation and continues to reveal itself.

The darkness is always the darkest when we are in it.

Plus, nothing can hurt me now after my four-year-old nephew River declared in the car: ‘Aunty, your music is DISGUSTING’. Emphasis on E V E R Y letter, felt deep in my devastated soul.

The hardest part of honour is accepting what is, even if you don’t want it to be true.

And because honour is surrendering to what is — I had to do just that.

When I returned from Ireland, I realised that my treehouse home of the previous four years had become a prison. I was isolating myself.

This period was a time of radical honesty with myself and lots of sleep. I developed a self-assurance that I know what is right for me at all moments.

I moved into a new place with my dear anam cara, Tiff, in May 2024.

Honour taught me that times of growth are sometimes slow, and time and rest will always bring periods of creation.

Nobody forgets a person who gave them peace.

— r.h sin

Midway through 2024, I started researching a second book before finishing my first one. The task of finishing the memoir manuscript felt daunting and overwhelming, and I was completely stuck in the abyss, so I simply diverged.

I felt energised by a new idea.

It was not until months later, when my acupuncturist (and spiritual grandfather) quizzed me for 45 minutes on how I could have given up on something I’d been writing for a decade. He was right. I needed to honour my first book.

The book that only I can write.

To finish writing it and get a publisher. Not get caught up in other book ideas and longshot fellowships, when I have the idea, experiences and inner resources to write this one.

It is very easy to sidestep soul responsibility when it is hard.

The book is about a search for a distinctive, innermost feeling. A thirst to understand the impossible human condition. A telling of how I lived. I was very close. And I backed away. But I am back.

The void is an initiation, and emptiness is pure potential.

I am always trying to make sense of it all.

In 2024, I joined a Jar Club. I discovered there is gluten-free Vegemite. I co-hosted three deep rest, reading and ritual retreats and taught beautiful questions. I made considerable gains in my eternal side quest for the perfect underwear. We all cried when Seth Cohen Adam Brody said “I can handle you” in Nobody Wants This. And I charted all the feels in my annual playlist.

A huge realisation I had last year was: We heal others just by being ourselves.

There was also that moment when I had mild carbon monoxide poisoning and ended up in an emergency ambulance ride. And please do get me started on how S P E Y S I D E is a return to the Bon Iver we always wanted but never thought would happen (I have much praise for SABLE fABLE).

I planned to cut out seed oils. I did not. I started eating mindfully, local beef again. And I developed peri-oral dermatitis on my face, which is SUPER NOT FUN. I am taking a marine-based silica for tissue hydration and focusing on my skin health. Any life-changing tips are welcome.

Mostly, I am learning to honour my energy — exhaustion helps no one.

To rest before I am tired is my greatest life goal.

On a solo winter writing retreat at my dear friend Kate’s cottage by the sea (where I launched this Substack on a Virgo full moon), my days looked like tea in nature, reading nights by the fire, sleeping for 16 hours, and seeing humpback whales jumping out of the ocean. I slowed down and got more done. I rarely used my phone. I felt truly embodied in effortless joy.

My favourite thing about being alive — along with fries, neighbourhood cats, and Paul Mescal sex dreams — is that literally anything can change your life.

And it will.

Here are the ten things that genuinely changed my life in 2024:

Family Constellations
I started seeing a psychotherapist for the first time in my life, mainly to address repeating relationship patterns (me) and heal old wounds (my father). At the end of my first session, my therapist, whom I call my “German David Whyte”, said that I needed to read It Didn’t Start With You. What didn’t start with me?, I thought. I borrowed a copy and HOLY MOLY THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS completely shook me. Much of my inner turmoil was tied up in inherited family trauma. A term I had never heard of until now.

I went to a Systemic Family Constellations weekend workshop, and it was one of the most profound, clarifying and exhausting experiences of my life. Everyone is walking around with a deep wound of some kind, whether they are aware of it or not. Unspeakable things have happened to people. We can inherit trauma from things that happened to our parents or someone in our ancestral lineage before we were conceived. This blew my mind. Through my family constellation, I received revelations about my father and what happened between certain family members before I was even born. I also see how certain traumas were passed down to me. This was deeply significant for someone who has been asking “Why? Why? Why?” since I could talk. And while it didn’t start with me, the real work now is ending this cycle with me.

The instinctual attraction you feel romantically towards another person as an adult is just a subconscious desire to heal the wounds your primary references inflicted.

— Christopher Ryan Karanovich

Living with Tiff
Friendship is never to be underestimated. Friends give us life. Friends show up. You can be you with your dirty hair, a new heartache, or disappointment, and your friends still love you. When I got back from Ireland, I wanted to hide in a cave forever. Tiff asked me to move in with her, and I couldn’t fathom the emotional turmoil of packing and moving one bit. But I knew my house at the time was becoming a prison of my own solitude. And I was going to destruct.

I said yes to moving in with Tiff with $33.33 in my bank account. The gifts and joys of living with female friendship (we had nine months together before the owners moved back) were plentiful and endless. For instance, carrots. I kind of used them as an accessory in soups and then Tiff made roast carrots with some magic Indian curry dusting on them, and next minute: I am obsessed with carrots. When I got back from my winter writing retreat, Tiff had purchased new bed linen for me and MADE MY BED WITH FLANNEL SHEETS. If you’ve never slept in flannel sheets, your life is about to change. Flannel is your pyjamas wearing pyjamas. Flannel is if your soul had a material. Flannel is a full-body cocoon feeling. We adopted a street cat called Moonie. We laughed so much, and knew every detail of each other’s day. I learnt that intimacy can be non-threatening and friendships are romantic. As John O’Donohue says, you must risk growth: “I have never seen anyone take a risk for growth that was not rewarded a thousand times over.”

The Creative Act: A Way of Being
Rick Rubin delivered one of the best lines I’ve read about approaching writing (or any act of creation): “Inspiration comes first. You come next. The audience comes last.” BOOM! I read his book in one night when I took myself on a date to a cozy bar in Fremantle and scored the Chesterfield couch by the fire, ordered a steak dinner and mulled wine, and dog-eared almost every page for the rest of the night. The Creative Act is both a permission slip and kick up the butt for creatives to CREATE. I devoured 73 books in 2025 (shout out to The Seven Skins of Esther Wilding & anything by Niall Williams) and was regularly late to work because I was sobbing in a book over breakfast.

My Moon Line
I had a life-changing astrology reading with Andrew Smith in the lowest part of my soul lag. I showed up to the video call, and the first question Andrew asked was: “What are you doing in Australia? It’s dry and arid, and you need wild and lush nature.” He then showed me that my Moon Line (in astrocartography — the astrology of place — which I had been haphazardly trying to learn on a dodgy website) runs directly through the West of Ireland, up through Sri Lanka and China, down through Jasper in the Canadian Rockies mountain range, and ends in the South Island of New Zealand. If you know me, THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

Your Moon Line represents home and soul nourishment. It’s where you feel belonging, have roots, and is a place that is really hard to leave. Our Moon Line calls us in subtle and then obvious ways. The Moon represents feminine energy, and so any places on your Moon Line represent nurturing, healing, and emotional comfort. I have never felt so validated in my life. I finally understood my longings for Ireland and Canada were soul callings, and I wanted to scream, “I KNEW IT!!!!”. Despite no ancestry or viability or sense, I’ve been drawn to these places in physical or spiritual ways (Tea is from Yunnan in China), and no part of my rationale knew why. NOW I DO.

In short: HONOUR YOUR KNOWING. Honour the places that call you. Andrew offers online readings and has a one-year waitlist — I would get on it now. His skill and gift for translating your birth chart into narrative beauty and practical advice far surpasses anyone I have ever met.

Flower Walks
This seems stupidly simple, but when I get home from work, I have a ritual where I pick up a basket and go for a walk without my phone. I call it a “flower walk”, and the purpose is: there isn’t one. I say hi to the new plants that are blooming, and pick wildflowers, leaves and fallen branches to bring home and decorate with. It single-handedly restores my sanity after a day of intense screen time, and one way that I spend nourishing time solo (here’s 20 more).

Strength Training
After complaining that I had no muscle, tone, or energy for the longest time, my friend Bek suggested, “Why don’t you just go to a gym and see if you like it?”. DAMN YOU, thank you. So I booked into a Fitstop class and bought new gym shoes (bye-bye Blundstones). Bek was right. I did like it. Mainly the feeling of getting stronger, and how the kettlebell actually does help me carry my baskets at the farmer’s market, and a deadlift is a very practical move for picking things up. I’ve been going for six months now, and my slogan is: “Not here to win prizes.”

Magnetism Course
My signature move has been pining for emotionally unavailable men. It goes like this: crazy chemistry at the start, he freaks out about something completely random, and I get blindsided and emotionally abandoned. It was an interesting and infuriating pattern for a decade, but I was done with it. I wanted conscious connection, not constant catastrophe. I booked into Juliet Allen’s EMBODY course which is a four week teaching immersion into feminine magnetism and pleasure. I found out that the term “lovership” was a thing. I learnt what aftercare was. I wrote down zinger quotes, “If a relationship is meant to be, there’s no chasing involved,” and got the confidence to be honest with my words and open with my intentions. This course was a circuit breaker — and can be attributed to helping end my old relationship pattern of attracting boys cloaked as men. It set the template for future attraction. To quote bell hooks, mutual growth is now my foundational bonding principle. I also never knew secure could be so hot.

Moonie
Moonie (named so because she looks like the moon) showed me that if you are exactly yourself, and never waver from that, you will be loved EVEN more for who you are. Moonie lived in a bush for years before we came along. Then she was fed by at least three different neighbours daily. Given a wool blanket on her own chair. Rescued from the roof regularly. Meowed like clockwork. Always fully herself, and we could not have loved her more (I tried, but she scratched me). Moonie took our adoration and obsession like it was her birthright. She was peak Queen Charlotte energy, so I made her a hat. If in doubt, be Moondog.

Poldark
Picture Outlander but in Cornwall, and I present to you: Poldark. While I was Couchsurfing in Sligo, I watched the first two episodes of Poldark with my host (in a drawing room in a manor that I have to tell you about someday), and it hit the mark for what I need: a period drama series with plenty of sexual tension and lots of elegantly lit open fireplaces. Watch for the sexiest scything scene in history (a skill I happened to acquire randomly in Ireland). I finished all five seasons (I know!) during an Irish winter, writing during the day and then cozying up with my housesitting cat and a fire at night.

Cosmic Rest
As a Projector and sensitive soul, I recharge in solitude. Cosmic rest is how I give myself exactly what I need to feel okay. It involves taking a day off and telling no one. I will have a slow tea ceremony either at home or in nature. Read and journal. Then take myself to an afternoon matinee movie with a flask of chai and vegan ice cream. I always get answers after I rest. I asked my friend Ande, “What would you do if you were not obligated to make anyone happy but yourself?” and she said it had never occurred to her that she could make herself happy. You can. What’s your answer? Do that.

If you lived in your heart, you’d be home now.

— Anne Lammott quoting a bumper sticker she saw

Now to my new word for 2024 — success.

I absolutely took this from my Human Design.

As a Projector, Success is the sign that you are on the right path.

I resisted choosing this word because it felt so big.

I am very comfortable with failures, lessons, and learning (I’m a 1/3 profile — the Eternal Student and Experimenter).

But succeeding? Nope, no thanks. That seems scary.

Success occurs in the privacy of the soul. It comes in the moment you decide to release the work, before exposure to a single opinion. When you’ve done all you can to bring out the work’s greatest potential. When you’re pleased and ready to let go.

— Rick Rubin

I’ve declared 2025 a year to actualise my dreams — of publishing a book and for a place, Ireland.

Exploring the full range of sacred sexuality and pleasure possibilities.

Getting more comfortable with receiving (I attract a lot of takers).

Ceasing the need to perform or meet external expectations that I did not agree to.

I am also thoroughly ready to stop questioning if I am enough.

I haven’t settled yet, and I won’t.

I’m not here for mediocre love.

"When two people—two givers—cross paths, it's not loud, it's not chaotic. It's steady. Like roots underground, growing stronger with every shared moment.”

— Keanu Reeves

I didn’t want to choose the word success, but it chose me.

A huge part of it is fully living into being an aligned Projector. Success is the Projector signature.

As Ra Uru Hu said, “There are no half-Projectors.”

I’ve been leaning into being a fully realised Projector for five years now. Recognising bitterness (Projector not-self theme) in my life as a huge sign that I am off course or something isn’t right for me was a game changer.

The Projector strategy to “wait for the invitation” continues to be the hardest part of the ‘experiment’, but learning that invitations can be energetic, come in dreams, and be in the subtle realm was hugely helpful.

The biggest gift of being a Projector is knowing that rest is non-negotiable.

If you are a Projector, take serious note. You are not here to be always on.

When I honour my energy levels, I feel success.

As Ra said, “Awakened Projectors live a life full of trust. They trust that the right people, the right invitations, the right opportunities will see them, will come to them.”

I have met people on my travels living in their potential, and let me tell you, it is REFRESHING.

Love always sets the beloved free.

— Martha Beck

I remember walking in Glasgow with my awesome Couchsurfing host Greg when we came across a street art mural on a high-rise block, the plaque read:

Here’s the Tree that never grew,

Here’s the Bird that never flew,

Here’s the Bell that never rang,

Here’s the Fish that never Swam.

You do not want to be the bell that never rang.

Well, I don't want to be.

I am here for true intimacy — physically, emotionally, sexually, and spiritually.

Success is skin, sacred union, money, and how much I laugh.

Success is not having to pretend in any area of my life.

Success is being paid to be me — and feel free.

I know my success will look very different to yours.

Success is non-linear. Especially for a late bloomer.

I am stretching myself to better express my needs and what is in my heart.

To get to where I’m going — I need to be boundaried with my energy, and honest with people about it. And I need to be able to make mistakes.

Success will start with turning off all distractions so I can write.

I always feel most like myself when I have written.

A lot of my self-work in 2025 will be about crossing the threshold from Maiden to Mother, by birthing a book.

The Maiden is always looking to be rescued, waiting for a saviour, constantly yearning for something or someone outside herself. The Mother is self-resourced. She is an apricot — soft on the outside with a solid core. The Mother has everything she needs within her.

Make everything about Love.

Get clarity by asking for it.

Start showcasing your worth.

Be here and be holy.

A polished look.

Practice true reciprocity.

Sit in the silence of a mountain.

Trust fall into the abyss.

Be swept upward.

Shoot your shots.

You never know.

Where your Fear is,
there your Task is.

— Carl Jung

Anything can happen, literally anything.

Sit with that for a second. You have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow. You think you do. But do you, really?

That possibility is what makes life worth it.

You will never be able to experience everything. So, please, do poetic justice to your soul and simply experience yourself.

— Albert Camus

Ancient hearts and kindred spirits.

Give attention to what is most vital.

Prioritise the promises made.

Success for efforts, success for soul work.

Moss reunions.

And following the knowing all the way.

If this is the year I learn facial cupping and actually do it — anything is possible.

What if the world is holding its breath –
waiting for you to take the place that only you can fill?

— David Whyte

What’s your word for 2025?

I know it’s June, but we exist in deep time.

Add your name to get future letters — it’s fun.

If you have the means and find value in my writing, you can become a magic supporter or buy me a chai with honey.